Archive for September, 2009

When I was younger I listened to the KQRS Morning Show on a regular basis. When I first started working, it was what was piped through the kitchen stereo at the restaurant while we were prepping to open. When I worked in a mailroom, it was the regular station that was listened to by the crew until the morning show ended. And I enjoyed it. The humor was mostly of the toilet variety and lord knows I’m a sucker for it.

The head of the show was one Tom Barnard. Many people from my neck of the woods have at least a passing familiarity because he does a great deal of local voiceover work. If you heard an ad on the radio for Dodge trucks, more than likely it was Tommy B raspy voice telling you how much of a man you’ll be if you buy one.

Around the time of the 2000 election, probably closer to the start of the Iraq War, I grew tired of the KQ Morning Show. They fired one of their crew who was in charge of sound effects (and quite possibly the writer of the jokes I found funny) and the show took a decided turn to the political right. It was about the time that a notably upset liberal called in the show to call Tom out for some outright hypocrasy or another that I made the conscious decision to stop listening. There was something about the condescension in Tom’s voice that sounded all too much like Limbaugh. It was around that time that I discovered NPR and haven’t looked back once.

But when I got to the Star Tribune’s article today I was shocked to discover that Tommy B had announced his retirement — in three years.

Tom Barnard, the most popular, powerful broadcaster in Twin Cities radio, announced Tuesday that he plans to quit his KQ92 morning program three years from now.

“I just don’t fit into the show anymore,” Barnard said late Tuesday night. “The corporate climate is not what I signed up for.”

Barnard, 57, who for decades has dominated local morning radio like no other broadcaster in the country, casually mentioned retiring during Tuesday’s show, but he confirmed later in the day that it was a serious announcement.

“I can tell that it’s time to do other things,” he said. “I always think comedy should be reactive, not proactive. That’s not true in radio anymore. It’s proactive.”

Barnard, also well respected and well compensated for his voiceover work, said he was unclear what he would do after his last KQ show on Dec. 21, 2012.

*SNIP*

Barnard denied speculation that his retirement date was a stunt linked to recent reports that the ancient Mayan calendar predicts the apocalypse will arrive on Dec. 21, 2012, saying he chose to make his last show the Friday before Christmas.

That said, I would also like to announce my retirement. As it turns out, being a man of commentary puts my opinions up for undue levels of criticism and that’s not what I signed up for. And this business is all about being reactive and not proactive…I’m just not comfortable with it. So it is with a heavy heart that I’d like to announce my last day of blogging — Thursday, October 31, 2030. I would like to commemorate my leaving the job by asking that children all over the country ask for a candy donation that they can consume themselves in homage to my departure. Oh, and any speculation about my choosing the holiday or Halloween is just that: Pure speculation.

The fact is that anyone in the business will tell you that Tommy B is pulling a stunt. He didn’t choose that date by chance. It’s a very contrived move. He’s looking to make a buck and needs three years to pull it off right. Whatever his talents may be, Tommy B is an exceedingly arrogant individual who is only looking out for himself. Keep in mind that for all his lamenting of the “corporate climate”, he has richly benefited from it. Being number one in your market for a decade can do wonders for your income, not to mention your ego.

But I can’t help but wonder what Tommy B is trying to line up upon his departure from 92.5 FM. If I were to guess, I’d say he’ll end up on our local right-winger talk station. But I wouldn’t be surprised if his sites were set higher. Time will tell.

If there is any focal point to a Christian fundamentalist’s relentless attacks on rational thought, it is one Charles Darwin and his publication, The Origin of Species. Ever since I was very little when I saw Spencer Tracy’s portrayal of Henry Drummund in Inherit the Wind I’ve been fascinated with this ongoing argument. Perhaps it was his fiery assertions that what one reads in the Bible should not be taken literally only to defend it in the closing lines of the movie and thus leaving the question open is what caught me.

I think it was that very open-ended conclusion to the movie that allowed me and my young atheistic mind to always leave room for the simple comforts that religion can offer a person. But I learned over the years that having a personal interpretation of things can and will upset people. And it’s never been my nature to truly sit back and conform — I like stirring people to think differently. ‘Stirring’, in this instance of course, is a loaded term. But if I have any justification for this, it’s because I do it to myself all the time.

But some targets are just too easy — and for me it’s any of these Christian fundamentalists that get some quaint nugget of information about Charles Darwin and thus feel obligated to broadcast their “expertise” to the world. I recently posted about such an episode. But when it comes to shameless, doe-eyed ignorance, one need look no further than Kirk Cameron.

To sum up: Kirk and his oh-so-holier-than-thou band of zealots have printed copies of The Origin of Species with a 50-page introduction that refutes evolution. And they’re handing it out on November 22, which just happens to be the 150th anniversary of the original publication of Darwin’s masterwork.

And I’m supposed to be polite to these people? I’m supposed to be tolerant of thinking so misguided that the book they hold so dear literally has hundreds of official different interpretations in this country alone that directly contradicts one another in several meaningful ways? I’m supposed to give weight to a thought process so riddled with contradictions of itself that, upon closer inspection, they cannot agree with themselves?

I’d like to write and publish my own copy of the Bible with a 50-page introduction. Of course the real difficulty in attempting such a venture would be constraining my remarks to 50 fucking pages.

But as a show of good faith (no pun intended), I also wanted to point to a sadder news article that hit today about John Travolta’s testimony about his son’s tragic death.

Travolta testified that he performed CPR on 16-year-old Jett in a fruitless effort to save the youth.

Travolta said a caretaker at the home was already working on the unconscious teen when he came to Jett’s aid last Jan. 2.

“I ran downstairs with my wife to help my son,” said Travolta, whose spouse – actress Kelly Preston – watched his testimony inside the courtroom in the Bahamas.

The 55-year-old Travolta, who has maintained a low profile in the wake of the tragedy, revealed for the first time that his son was autistic and suffered from “a seizure disorder.”

The seizures would strike every five to 10 days, Travolta said, and his son would usually sleep for 12 hours after each 60-second attack.

In the past, the Travoltas said only that their son was afflicted by Kawasaki disease, a rare malady that mostly affects young children.

Critics said the Travoltas would not admit their son was autistic because of their belief in Scientology.

Because of the somber nature of this news, I want to treat this with more kids gloves than anything. Mostly because losing a child has to be more painful than anything. Especially when you see pictures of Travolta and his son together. And at the bare minimum, I offer my deepest sympathies to his family.

But (and you knew that was coming) my real issue with the story is the implications of the last part of what I quoted. If it was true that their family ignored autism because of the Church of Scientology, then I feel it’s more difficult to have anything but pity for them. Perhaps it’s my Christian upbringing, but I can’t help but feel a “father forgive them for they know not what they do” type of emotion about it all. If these allegations are true, any other normal person would be arrested for gross negligence. Of course that won’t happen here, but at what point do regular people look at cooky fucking beliefs like these and call them out for what they are: Total fucking bullshit.

If these allegations are true, I want John and Kelly to learn from it and perhaps put some distance between themselves and L. Ron Hubbard’s group of crackpots. They’re aren’t completely immune to reality any more than the rest of us are. Richer and more well-connected, perhaps, but not exempt from the wrath of reality. And I sincerely hope they heal from the wound of losing their son. I just hope it heals more than just their loss of kin and begins to heal their loss of reason.

Dear Congressman Wilson,

I wanted to take a moment to thank you. You should really treasure this because it isn’t often that I’m thankful to a Republican from the state of South Carolina. But because of your efforts you’ve managed to set your party back in a number of ways. Money cannot buy that kind of thing.

I think you’re probably well enough aware of what you did to deserve this letter of thanks. During President Obama’s joint address to Congress last night, you thought it prudent to call him a liar on a nationally televised speech. But just in case your memory is foggy, the internet remembers all.

I think what I enjoyed most about this moment is your timing. You see, the President of the United States had literally just finished calling statements made by “prominent politicans” who stated that the Obama Administration wanted to set up “panels of bureaucrats with the power to kill of senior citizens” a lie. In recent memory I can’t think of a President who has used such direct terms in addressing the claims made by his opponents during a speech to Congress. Simply put, it was a rather explosive statement to make. Right-wing talk radio and Fox News would beat that line to death. But you ruined it. Not 30 seconds later, you let loose a direct accusation on your President that he’s a liar. You just ruined Sean Hannity’s ratings for the week.

Let’s take a closer look at the fallout from that loss of control. It deserves special recognition because, as I understand it, your Democratic opponent in 2010 had raised $100,000 in the eight hours following your remark. Brilliant. I think history normally has the minority gaining seats during the mid-term elections of a new administration but it would appear that you have different ideas.

Another thing to consider is the point that President Obama made in his speech about the lack of civility of the public discourse. You were a veritable poster child of to what depths a Republican will sink to block civil discourse on important legislation. On national television. Obama couldn’t have had a clearer example. He could have gestured at you all night as Exhibit A.

But lastly I must take a moment to thank you for your empty apology. It was the cherry on this gargantuan parfait of Republican embarrassment and failure.

“This evening I let my emotions get the best of me,” he said in a statement. “While I disagree with the president’s statement, my comments were inappropriate and regrettable. I extend sincere apologies to the president for this lack of civility.”

You silly man, no one cares about your position anymore. You reduced yourself to a 4th-grader on the schoolyard screaming “liar liar pants on fire” while his classmates try desperately to distance themselves. The fact is that what Obama said is true and you look like a fool who can’t deal with reality without holding your breath in protest.

Thank you so much, Congressman Wilson.

To fully comprehend how completely off-the-wall batshit crazy the right-wing is, one need look no further than their latest temper tantrum over Obama speaking to schoolkids next week. This speech, surprisingly, is the first time a sitting president has addressed the kids of our country directly. According to the Secretary of Education, in this speech the president “will challenge students to work hard, set educational goals, and take responsibility for their learning.” In short, Obama is trying to capitalize on his popularity to send a message to kids about how important it is to get everything you can out of school.

The horror…THE HORROR!

The right-wing, obviously bored with batting around scared lunatics in the healthcare debate, has officially found fertile new ground with which to sew new seeds of unfounded asshattery. You see, the Prez has a hidden agenda: (Insert 50s thriller movie music here) Indoctrinating your children!

And to think that Michelle Malkin wrote a book about the left titled “Unhinged”. Projecting much?

Last night I catch on the news that parents all over my home state are just flabbergasted that Obama would dare speak to their children directly. Has this really what blind hate-filled partisanship has come to? You don’t like the president’s politics, so you refuse to allow your children to even listen a a single word he says?

I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t like George W. Bush either. But I wouldn’t have threatened to hold him out of school because he wanted to talk to them for 20 minutes via video about getting good grades.

For fuck’s sake people, or at the very least for the sake of the future civility of our kids when they do get into the national discourse, grow the fuck up.