Dear Heath,

My apologies for not writing sooner. Life has been fairly busy for me and I just haven’t had the time to tear away from ever-mounting day-to-day things that have to be done. Rest assured that my wife is keeping me up on what’s going on with your life. As I understand it, you and Michelle got married away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi — good job and congrats — and this is driving both the paparazzi and your fans into sheer madness that you’d dare do something without making a public event of it.

The reason I wanted to write today is because I wanted your insight on this whole mess with Britney Spears. As you know, I try to stay out of the personal lives of celebrities, but recent events with Britney have really caused me a lot of concern for her welfare. It’s not that I’ve ever really been a fan of hers; I just care about people.

I don’t know if you caught it, but Craig Ferguson’s opening monologue the other night was apparently something of a dirge upon those who love to make fun of people like Britney Spears; IE, celebrities with chemical addictions. It was brilliant.

My wife caught most of it and was shocked that Ferguson would spend his opening monologue in such serious overtones. I told her I was impressed that someone of public personality would defend Britney and she agreed, conveniently forgetting all the times that I’ve castigated people for making fun of people like Britney. Oh well…lord knows all the things I’ve forgotten.

It wasn’t until today that I finally googled pictures of the now-bald Britney and I have to say that it’s not a bad look. I’ve seen uglier bald people. As a person who has shaved his head on more than one occasion, I have to wonder what brought on this rather drastic cosmetic move. Regardless, I’m happy that she’s readmitted for chemical addiction treatment and hope that she can stick to it. I’ve seen what people go through to clean up their lives and can only imagine in my worst nightmares what it must be like to try to clean up under the thousands of unblinking eyes of paparazzi lenses.

I guess I really don’t understand why people get so bent out of shape when it comes to Britney. When she first burst unto the scene, she was every young boy’s fantasy, every young girl’s idol and every parent’s nightmare — much the same as any other teen pop music star. I never really got her music though I did listen to it enough to know that it was destined to be popular. But as all stars that burn bright and fast into the celebrity world, it was only a matter of time before people would begin to find any and all reasons to hate her. And nothing capped that hatred off more than her marriage to Kevin Federline. Britney may as well have decorated herself in colored paper mache and attached a string to her waist to dangle from the ceiling — she was a giant pinata for the world to beat with whatever sticks they could find. She lost her balance once while carrying her child and the rags went nuts calling her a bad parent and so forth.

All this time I’ve sat back and let people have their schadenfreude. Most folks say that celebrities somehow deserve this kind of treatment as, in their minds, celebrities have everything handed to them on a platter. But the more I think about it, the more I’m inclined to believe that nobody should be subjected to that kind of personal scrutiny, regardless of what celebrity they may possess.

Well, I hope you, Michelle and Matilda are well. I’ll write again soon.

Best regards,
Nicho

P.S. The wife tells me that she’s amicable to me having Kate Winslet if I have to give her up for you. So if you see Kate, tell her Nicho says “hi” if she likes me to check this box. â–¡